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I love, love


ugh, I'm super passionate about this topic.
There are so many facets of love that I hope I can properly
unpack this month.
unless I can be concise in this post, but we will see.

being single is not a curse

"but Alysia, you're in a relationship..." blah blah blah blah.
Guess what, before I was in a relationship, I was SINGLE.
so, just gonna leave that there first.

have you really paid attention to cars before?
like once you see one red car, you start noticing all the red cars on the road.
Pretty soon, the entire I-94 interstate is filled with red cars.
except, it really isn't.
You just saw what you were paying attention to.
The red cars, that is.
Same thing with relationships.
One couple cuff's and then suddenly all of Facebook is filled with

you see what you pay attention to

What if you paid attention to all the people that weren't in a relationship,
you probably wouldn't feel so singled-out (no pun intended).
Before anyone is in a relationship, they are single.
It starts that way.

relationships are hard


"being in a relationship is much better than being single"
BRB, laughing.

Let me tell you one thing I know from my small bit of dating experience.
relationships are hard.

I work at Stone Creek Coffee as a Barista.
If you scroll through Instagram, you'll see posts of some sick #latteart.
It looks cool, you want to try it, but it takes work.
Sometimes I throw good art, sometimes I throw bad art.
But if I ever wanted to get better at it, I need to work at it.

Same with a relationship.
Sam and I have been dating for 8 months now (to the day).
Sometimes It feels like forever, and sometimes it feels like yesterday.
I love Sam so much, and I couldn't imagine being with out him.
But he isn't perfect. 
I'm not perfect.
We fail each other.
We don't brush things off that bug us, but we work hard to learn from each other
and to best put each other first.
Our relationship isn't easy.
It isn't sunshine and roses everyday.
some times it's tears, sometimes it's one word texts.
but you know what, that's what love is sometimes.
love is freaking tough.
But it's so worth it.

But as Pastor Hannah Montana once said, 
"Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it"

If I wanted to be in a relationship with Sam just for him to be the perfect
boyfriend that never argues with me, always brings me flowers, and tells me I'm pretty,
 then I would have broken up with him a long time ago.
But Sam is perfect for me, because he has flaws.
Because he brings me flowers and chocolates, but also because he isn't afraid
to tell me how he feels, even if it isn't what I want to hear.


You bring what you have into a relationship

I deal with anxiety disorder.
It's frustrating as poop and I really wish It would go away.
If I thought that my anxiety would go away if I was in a relationship,
I would be super disappointed.

Lets say that I struggled with my image.
No one could tell me I was pretty enough times for me to actually believe them,
and then I was in a relationship.
I could be feeling so complete because he tells me how "beautiful" I am,
But then that insecurity starts creeping back up.

why did he like that girls picture?
(oh, mind you it's a picture of a sunset)
why didn't he tell me I look pretty today?
Why didn't he notice my haircut? I cut off like .5cm

Like, just imagine here.
in this scenario, I am depending on this guy to define my self worth.

If you don't work on yourself now while you are still single,
it's going to be so tough in your relationship.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend is going to feel the weight of
the things that you struggle with.
But if you work on establishing these things by yourself,
I promise you it's going to be easier to deal with in a relationship.

If I had no idea how to deal with my anxiety, I would probably get exhausted from disappointment because Sam would not be able to fix me.
But because I personally have sought help for it while I was single,
I'm able to identify triggers, and help Sam understand what is going on in my noggin'.
Are we perfect at it?
But I know for a fact that it is much better now.

I was in a relationship a while ago where I had no idea how to deal with my anxiety
or how to identify with my emotions.
It drove us apart.
I used my time as a single person to work on it,
and guess what.
I AM LIKE A MILLION times better at articulating what I'm feeling.
Hallelujah for God's grace, am I right?

let love get it's beauty sleep

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.
ong of Solomon 8:4 says it so well.

I love sleep.
Like, I could (and have) sleep for 15 hours straight.
I have alarms starting at 4:00am because I am afraid of over sleeping,
and I need to make myself feel like I actually am sleeping in.
I am so crabby if someone wakes me up when it isn't time for my alarm to go off.
Like, please. Let a girl sleep,
Can I get an Amen?

I am going to say the cliche, but I mean it.
When the time is right, the time is right.
Not everyone is ready for love,
but that's not to say that will always be the case.
If I had started dating someone who wasn't ready for a relationship,
I would be really miserable.
I don't know about you, but I'm not dating just because it's fun,
I'm dating because one day I want a Husband, a Father to my kids, and a forever best friend.
and I won't find that in some one that is just looking to
"Netflix and chill".
That is not quality.
Maybe the time is not right for you to be dating.
Maybe you aren't ready, maybe he isn't ready.

Again, just like you probably wouldn't like getting rudely waken up
from sweet slumber, neither does love.
Let it sleep, let it become what it is suppose to be.

what to take away

being single is not a curse
you see what you pay attention to

relationships aren't easy
like latte art, you have to work at it

you bring what you have into a relationship
use your time as a single person to work at being someone else's better half

et love get it's beauty sleep
let it sleep. the time is right when the time is right

I love, love.